


In Due Time

by stcrmpilct



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, Eventual Relationships, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, M/M, Masturbation, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Surgery, Trans Male Character, Trans!Poe Dameron, Transgender!Poe Dameron, Transphobia, and something happens to poe, i tagged it graphic because of self harm, top surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 12:52:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5785969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stcrmpilct/pseuds/stcrmpilct
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe Dameron is transgender. He's been that way for a while.</p><p>He meets Finn while they're still young and hopelessly falls in love.</p><p>Poe deals with himself as a trans and mentally ill person, with the help of his new friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Due Time

**Author's Note:**

> this story's divided up into different times so yeah it'll probably take time over the course of a couple months/a year
> 
> just a heads up in case ya get confused \o/

Poe, 23, lives on his own in a small apartment. He's alone, most of the time. He doesn't really have friends, besides acquaintances he occasionally greets at school.

Until he meets a new student.

He was in his art class, sitting by himself as usual. He noticed a fresh new face who walked over by his table.

He hurried his feet off the table and took his bag off the chair next to him. "I don't mean to bother you, everywhere else is full." The boy next to him scooted his chair in.

"No, no, I don't mind. No problem." He shook his head. "So, you must be new?" Poe turned his head at the boy, crossing his arms. "Yeah, I'm Finnegan." Poe smiled at him. "Huh. Mind if I call you Finn? I'm Poe. Poe Dameron."

He smiled at him and shook his hand. "Yeah, I like that. Usually the nickname I get a lot anyways." Poe nodded at him. Then, he blushed.

This boy was really cute.

\-----

Poe and Finn were in his room, studying for a big exam next week. The two of them became good friends over the next two months. Poe laid on his side in his bed, flipping through his textbook.

Finn sat at the edge, staring over at Poe. He felt weird, thinking he might have a crush on his friend. But he had to admit, he was cute and sweet and funny... everything good he could think of, that was Poe.

Poe had intended for Finn to study with him, but he wanted to take time to talk to Finn about his gender. He felt like Finn knew, but he could never tell.

Poe slammed the book shut and sighed, "Finn... we're friends, right? Good enough to trust, and tell anything?" Finn slightly pursed his lips at him, confused. "Yeah, you're pretty much my best friend at this point." Poe smiled at him, scooting closer to him and holding his hands.

"Finn, I've been working up the nerve to tell you something important about myself... and please don't freak out or... get mad, this isn't easy," Finn felt concern wash over him. "I am a transgender boy. I've been taking testosterone for about two years now, thank god." Poe said nervously. Finn raised his eyebrows at him.

"That's great, it's okay. I'm here for you as a friend and that's not gonna change nothin'!" Finn tightened his grip on his hands, brushing his thumbs over them. Poe laughed but also sounded like he was gonna cry. "Finn, that's... wonderful, thank you." He sniffed and wiped a tear from his cheek.

Finn pulled him by the waist for a hug. "It's okay. I'm here for you." Poe hung onto him. He felt like this meant something new between them. Of course they we're best friends, but he never felt so happy and open around someone, even before he came out.

"Hey, how 'bout I order us pizza? You deserve it." Finn put both hands on his shoulders. "Dude, fuck yes!"

\-----

Finn walked around his dorm room frantically as he waited for Poe's arrival. 

This was a date. Sorta. He asked Poe to come over for dinner and he thinks he may have came on too strong, but Poe gleefully excepted. He wanted this to be a date, after all, he really liked Poe a lot. 

He fumbled with the center piece of his table before he heard a knock at his door. He paused at the door, taking a deep breath before opening it. Poe smiled at him, "Hi." He had on a tucked in button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He looked so very handsome. 

Finn stepped aside so Poe could step in. "Hi, I'm glad you could make it." Finn closed the door behind them. His room had the lights dim and he had a well cooked dinner for them. Poe couldn't believe the sight. "This looks fancy." Poe commented. Finn laughed nervously, "I, uh, thought you might like it." Poe placed a hand on his back. "No, it's great, I can't believe you set this up for me." Poe sat down at the table and looked across him at Finn. 

"So... is this a date?" Finn almost choked on his food as he asked that, nervous as to what he might think if he said yes. "Uh, would.. that be wrong?" Finn rubbed the back of his neck. Poe played with his fork in his food. "No. That'd be perfect." Poe cooed at him. Finn smiled and looked down at his lap. "Uh, Poe," He began to speak before Poe lightly touched his hand. "I w-wanted to ask you something, along with this... date." Poe felt weak in his knees. "Would.. you want to think about.. dating? or going steady, whatever you prefer," Poe's eyes lit up. 

"I think that's the best idea you've had yet." Poe rest his head on his hand, sighing dreamily. "You- you actually want to be my boyfriend?" Finn felt weird when he said boyfriend. Poe loved the sound of it. "Yes! Yes, of course I do. I.. have to be honest, I've thought about that before..." Finn had never been so happy in his life. He whispered to himself, "Boyfriend... you're my boyfriend!" Poe giggled at him. "I am.." He felt like this was a dream. He couldn't have smiled any bigger than he had right now. 

_____ 

Poe tried to stand up off the ground, spitting out a pool of blood that formed in his mouth. "Fuck- shit." He wiped his mouth as he backed away from a group of guys he wasn't very... friendly with. "That's what you get for being a freak!" One of them yelled at him. They pinned him in an alley on campus. "Is that all you got?" He tried to make himself seem tough against them, trying not to let their words get to him. So one of them punched him square in the face and kneed him the stomach, making him fall again. He groaned in pain, trying to catch his breath. "You better not fucking show up here again, or you'll be dead." One of the guys took his head and hit it against the concrete, giving him a gushing bloody nose. 

They ran off and he laid there for a minute as it rained. He sat up and noticed his binder came undone slightly. He cursed as he tried to stand up, now having a limp. 

He walked to Finn's dorm, knocking lightly on his door. "F-Finn, are you here?" He choked on his words. Finn opened the door and gasped at him. "Poe! Poe, oh my god, come in, come in! What happened? Who did this?" He brushed his hair out of his face. His eye was already black and blue, his nose and mouth just dripping with blood, and his jaw looking purple and yellow, as if it was broken. "I.. was just walking from the cafe down the street and. I just got pinned by these guys, I don't even fucking know them." He forced himself a laugh. "Poe, this isn't funny." Finn wiped a tear from his own face. "Don't I know it." He sat on his bed and took off his jacket. He hissed in pain as he stretched, he probably had some damaged ribs. 

"Why'd they do this?" Finn cupped his cheek, wiping away the blood from his lips with a wash rag. "You know why." Poe said, lowly. Finn only sighed. He didn't now what to say, he didn't know how to comfort him. "It's no big deal, I've dealt with this many times before." Poe said against gritted teeth as he slowly took off his shirt. He clothes were soaking wet. Finn noticed the bruises showing on his ribs. "But it is. You could have a broken nose, broken ribs, broken jaw! They.." He sighed harshly, "They could have killed you." Poe turned his body sideways to check his binder. "Finn, I'm okay, really. I'll heal up in about a week, I'll just.. try to avoid them." 

He unclipped his binder, holding it up with one arm to cover his chest. Finn gazed at him, this was the first he actually saw Poe in his binder by itself. Of course, he hadn't seen his chest. "D-do you want me to step out," Finn asked, then Poe slipped off his binder. "No. Unless you're uncomfortable." Finn blushed at the sight of him. "The bastards ripped my only binder, now I gotta get a new one. Luckily I got some sports bras, but those are irritating." Poe sighed at the sight of himself in the mirror. "I look weird, don't I?" He chuckled to himself. 

Finn wrapped his arm around his waist behind him. "I don't think so." He rested his head on his shoulders. "Do you wanna stay the night here? I really don't want you to walk home alone." Poe turned around to face him, wrapping his arms around his neck and hugging him. "Please, thank you, Finn." He hugged him tightly, even though his skin was still wet from the rain. Poe kissed his cheek and before he pulled away, Finn pulled his face in for a kiss. It felt awkward, but Poe melted against him. 

Poe grunted against him, and Finn pulled away. He forgot he had such a bruised face. "Sorry, I. I just-" Finn stuttered his words. "Finn, it's okay." Poe smiled at him. He leaned in to kiss him again, this time slow and gentle. Finn grinned against his lips. Poe tugged at the collar of his shirt. Getting nervous, he pulled away and laid his head to his chest. He laughed against shirt. 

"Do you have any clothes I can wear for the night while mine dry?" Finn went over to his dresser and pulled out a shirt and pajama pants for him. Then he thought, "Wait, you don't need any underwear, do you?" Poe smirked at him. "Only if i can keep 'em." 

\----- 

It's been seven months since they'd been together and Finn was as happy as could be. Even more happy when they returned to Poe's apartment after his appointment. He had just gotten an okay to have top surgery in two months. 

Poe wrapped his arms around Finn's neck as he shut the door and Finn swept him off his feet, twirling him around. "Finn, this is the best day of my life, and I'm glad you're a part of it." Finn kissed his cheek. "Aren't you nervous about it?" In all honesty, it was Finn who was nervous for him. 

"Of course. But I've waited for this for too long and nothing will change my thoughts on this." He gave him his winning smile. "Good. It's too see you happy." Poe held his face in his hand and brushed a thumb over his cheek bone. 

"Finn, I've always been happy. Now that I've got you." 

\----- 

Poe really messed up this time. He sat on the floor against the side of his bed. He watched as a trail of blood dripped from the front of his thigh. He flipped a razor between his fingers and contemplated making another mark. 

He had already gave himself so many scars, deep ones. Now he had about thirteen more. He took a wash rag and dabbed along his leg, completely lost. He did this only rarely, but his depression was catching up to him all of a sudden. 

Finn walked in the door and stopped dead in his tracks. He knelt down, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Poe.. Poe?" Finn calmly tried to get his attention. "Finn... that you?" Poe was starting to dissociate when he tried to speak. He brought a hand up to his face to wipe away an escaped tear. "Yeah, I'm here. Poe, look at me." He held his chin and brought it to align with his. "Oh, Finn!" One look at him and Poe burst into tears. He clung his arms to him, sobbing into his shirt. 

He cursed at himself. Finn just held him there, getting closer to him. "Fuck. Shit, I'm so sorry. I... really fucked up." He sobbed loudly, horrified at what Finn might think. "Hey, just... let it out, it's okay." Finn petted the back of his head. "Do you want to talk about it?" Poe sat up and leaned against his shoulder, taking the rag and cleaning himself up. "I dunno... I just wish I never started." 

Poe stood up and headed for the bathroom. "I'm gonna shower and.. clean myself up. Can you stay the night?" He rested his head against the doorway. "Yes, of course." 

Finn had gotten into pjs that he borrowed from Poe. He laid on his bed, waiting for him to come out. He came out in just a pair of boxer briefs and a shirt. "C'mere." Finn sat against the wall and gestured him to sit on his lap. Poe crawled into bed with him and looked down at him. "I don't know what I'd do without you." Poe looked deep in his eyes. Finn took his face in his hands, basking in his beauty. "I love you, Poe. I love you so damn much." Poe was so happy to hear that, he could cry. "I love you, too," Poe leaned down to kiss him deeply, "so much. I love you." He whispered against his lips inbetween kisses. 

Finn pulled his waist closer, resting his hands just above his ass. The two couldn't stop kissing, didn't even stop for air. Their lips moved in a rhythm of a sort of song only they knew. It was like they were meant for each other. 

Poe pulled away and stared at him, catching his breath. "Fuck, I love you." Poe said again. Finn laughed. "I love you, too." 

\----- 

It was the day he'd been waiting for. He couldn't sleep at all the night before, not like he had to be awake during surgery. He tapped Finn on the shoulder. "Finn.. Finn, wake up, babe. I've got a big day ahead." Finn's eyes fluttered open. He let out a yawn and looked up at Poe. "You're very cute at five in the morning." Poe teased him. "Mmh, you too." Finn slurred his words, barely awake. 

Finn rested up on his side, wiping his face. Poe was all over the place, making sure he didnt forget anything. "Finn... I'm a little nervous." Poe twiddled his thumbs. "I can imagine, you're gonna have surgery. But you're gonna wing it, I know you will." Finn sleepily said to him. Poe couldnt stop think about the outcome. He fept butterflies in his whole body. 

His surgery was at 7 am, and when it came time to leave, Poe was jumping like a kid in a candy store. Finn was very happy for him, he knows this is something he's only dreamt of, wished for years to happen. Once they pulled up to the hospital, Poe paused before getting out the car. "Finn... thank you for being here. Of course, you're here cause you're my boyfriend, but I mean overall. Thank you for sticking around." Poe held his hand and kissed his temple. "Of course. I love you." Finn reassured him. 

Poe was lying in his hospital bed and was waiting to be swept away to surgery. Finn and him talked, confessing how nervous each was and the excitement of it all. Two nurses walked in and now were about to take him to the OR. Poe gave Finn's hand a squeeze before he left. "Just wing it, I love you." Finn kissed the top of his head. "I love you too!!" He said as they wheeled his bed out of the room. 

\----- 

Poe laid flat on his back on his bed while Finn cooked dinner. All he felt was pain... and a flat chest when he brought his hands up to it. Every time he does that he has a small shock. It'd been a long two weeks after his surgery and he slept all the time. Finn did everything for him, as if he wouldn't. Poe stood up and looked at his bandages in the wall mirror, smiling to himself. Finn walked in to bring his breakfast and paused at the doorway. 

"I made you blueberry pancakes and bacon. How're ya feeling?" Finn sat on the bed. "There's nothing there." Poe said, wiping a hand over his thick bandaging. "They're really gone... gone!" Poe couldn't stop getting happy about his results, but Finn loved see him like this, just genuinely happy. 

"I take it you're feeling okay?" Finn smiled at him as he turned around. Poe walked towards him and kissed him. "Very." 

\----- 

Finn was walking Poe's apartment - really their apartment now, he basically lived there. Poe had given him a key around the time he had surgery, so it was about five months ago. He put his keys in the lock abd opened the door, shouting, "Poe! You awake?" He looked around and Poe was nowhere to be found. 

"Poe?" Finn said as he peaked in Poe's room. 

"Fuck, Finn," Poe moaned out. "I.. didn't expect you home so soon." Poe was out of breath, flushed looked on his face. 

He had one hand half way down his briefs, shirt pushed up his chest, heaving up and down. 

"Uh, Poe," Finn nervously laughed. "Come over here." Poe sat up and patted the bed. Finn stopped at the foot of the bed, sweating at the sight of Poe like this. Poe stood up on his knees and took Finn's face in his hands. "Am I making you uncomfortable?" At first, yes, but he had a feeling a time like this would happen. "No. You gotta do what you gotta do." Finn joked, setting his hands on Poe's hips. "Do you think you could give me a hand?" Poe looked him dead in the eyes. 

Finn hesitated for a second. "With what?" He took his fingers and ran them over his briefs. Poe exhaled sharply, "That, I need help with that." 

\----- 

Poe sat up in his bed, taking a sip of his tea. His hair was messy, his profile beautiful in the morning light. Finn laid back, basking in it. 

Poe was content. Finally happy with himself and where he was. He set his mug back down and sunk against Finn's side. Finn wrapped his arms around him, kissing his temple. "Hm, I love you." Finn hummed in his ear. Poe could feel the same butterflies he had the day he met him. He closed his eyes as he drifted back to sleep, cooing at Finn. "I love y... you, too, Finnegan."


End file.
